Some things only happen to me

<p>I’m pretty sure my supervisors here at work think I’m some kind of nut who makes up this stupid things no one even believes to get out of working. Yeah, they probably do.</p>

<p>But I’m telling you, some things only happen to me. And here’s proof:</p>

<p>Yesterday I was working the 7 am-2 pm shift. You know, my back is aching like a motherfucker, but what can I do, other than suck it up and take it like a man? So I’m working, and at 11 am I get a phone call from my sister. I answer the phone, and hear a little kitten in the background. Naturally, my cat’s babies come to mind (she had 3 a month ago). So I ask my sister what in the hell she’s doing with one of the babies, and she answers her boyfriend’s godfather (who lives up the street from my house) found her wandering around. Outside. Obviously, that’s not possible, because one-month-old kittens don’t just get out of the house magically. Besides, Michael and I locked the house before we left for work. So, of course, my paranoid, hormonal mind thinks &quot;oh fuck someone broke into my house and left the door wide open and they stole everything and the babies got out of the house and I’m going to find them all splattered on the street where they were ran over by a car someone please kill me&quot;.</p>

<p>And (I know you were expecting this) I immediately burst into tears in front of my supervisor because I’m all the way over here and can’t do anything about the fact that they just robbed my house and my cats are dead and wah; so my supervisor told me I could go home and see what was going on (he’s just too effin’ nice for words).</p>

<p>And then I got home, and you’ll never guess what it was.</p>

<p>Go on, I dare you. Guess.</p>

<p>It was another cat, who looked exactly like mine. Same stripes. Same eyes. Maybe a week younger, but she definitely looked like she was Doobie’s (yeah. That’s my cat’s name. I know what you’re thinking, and it’s got nothing to do with that. I’ll tell the story some other time) daughter, but she wasn’t. Meaning that no one robbed my house and the cats were just fine. All that mayhem for nothing.</p>

<p>Of course Doobie, being the incredible mom she is, took the baby into her little house, cleaned her and fed her. And then, there were five. Cats. In my house. Plus a dog. Yikes.</p>

<p>So you see? I’m not nuts. Okay, maybe I am, but I definitely don’t have such a fertile imagination. And yet, somehow, I get the feeling people at work think I do.</p>

<p>I am sooo fired.</p>

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